Gah, I said I wasn't going to be all paranoid with this new relationship. But then I turn around and say something kinda jerky. I was pretty tired though and I find I get that way on sleep depro. I actually have a lot of faith in what I'm involved in. It shan't be easy but "at the end of the day some great reward will be coming my way" and that's the golden ring I keep my eye on. 

It's hard not to let the past color the 'now'. It WILL have an impact on your thoughts, actions an reactions but one must try to see through that and let what's happening 'now' stand on it's on two legs. THIS is not what THAT was. Thank FUCKING God for that! 

I get to go to Target!!! I may do wally world but that's kind of a hike and I always wander around too much finding solutuions to problems that don't exist. Just like they want me too. EXCEPT! I mostly just dump whatever I rationalized into my basket in some random spot when I come to my senses. Mostly....

I found out my drummer is sick. No practice tonight. I used to get bummed when practice was canceled but my initial response this time was "Oh yay!"... It's lame to think of something that should be fun ...as a burden. *sigh*

There is fear in me. Fear I may watch sports tonight.....

And and even more fear that I may.... purchase a jersey....

Christ, I need help.

:D